Welcome to …..well it’s not really the Raw Recap this week…..and it’s too early for a Wrestlemania Recap……But it’s never too early for a really bad pun filled with alliteration. Welcome to the Wraw Wrecap: Wrestlemania Predictions Edition!
This is it. The Granddaddy of them all. Wrestlemania. The seminal event not only for the WWE but for the industry worldwide. This is when the world pays attention. This is when it’s cool to be a wrestling fan. This is the event that is supposed to bring people (back) in for at least a few weeks, if not ideally for the WWE for the whole year. The WWE doesn’t put all their eggs in this basket, but what there is can feed an army. (Have I combined enough cliches yet?) This is the event where storylines end, new ones begin, stars of the past return, stars of the future are made, and the most deserving performers (should) receive validation of their work for the year by appearing on the biggest stage in the industry. It’s such a big spectacle, growing every year, that it just can’t fail. And if it’s just….eh? Well it’s Wrestlemania.
But how will this Wrestlemania be? Let’s look at some of the bigger matches. To see how the WWE has done in promoting the show, I will not look at the card, but only look at the matches from memory. After all, the WWE can’t expect you to be exicted and order any PPV if you don’t know what matches to expect on the show (and there unfortunately have been some PPVs recently where I couldn’t think of more than half the matchups prior to the airing – I don’t think I’m the only one). In no particular order:
Daniel Bryan (featuring A.J. Lee) vs. Sheamus (featuring red hair): I think this match of the “main” events has been the least pushed. Both Bryan and Sheamus have spent a large part of the last year being virtually irrelevant (Bryan losing many matches after winning Money in the Bank, Sheamus in limbo from Summerslam to Rumble). But I see this match surprising people in a good way. However, I also see it appearing earlier in the card. I think the ending of this match will depend most on A.J. of all people – if she turns bad during it, Bryan retains. If not, Sheamus wins.
Randy Orton vs. Kane: I really could care less about this match. It makes little sense -although slightly more than Kane/Cena, since they at least had the decency to show that Kane would be upset at Randy Orton for attacking him instead of showing respect after a match months ago. Remember that? No, I barely did myself. Of course if Kane was that mad he would have gone after Orton first instead of taking weeks to attack and lose to John Cena. Kane came back to be fed to the top faces not chasing the title. Orton wins. Probably the easiest match to call of the night.
Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos (I’m not looking up the spelling of her name, she’s not a wrestler) vs. Eve and Beth Phoenix: Uhm. Ok. No reason to defend the Divas title or anything. I hope at least the other divas have a cameo, you know, without any flatulence. The winner of this match? If it’s under 5 minutes, it’ll be the fans.
Chris Jericho vs. C.M. Punk: Wrestlingwise, it should be the match of the night (except maybe the part of the night where the Great Khali does the chop to the head of his opponent). I think this will be a treat for all. I see Punk winning this one, but I don’t think I’d be disappointed if Jericho wins either. You really can’t go wrong with the outcome of this one.
Speaking of a match that can have a wrong ending……..
Rock vs. John Cena: I am going to say this one time: John Cena should not win this match, unless one of two things happen: 1. There is a rematch down the road or 2. John Cena turns heel at Mania. If neither happen, I still don’t think John Cena should win. I know, a few years ago Hollywood Hogan lost to the Rock. The part-time wrestler on the way out (at least at that time before he joined TNA) should do the job to the guy at the top to solidify the full-time younger wrestler. So why shouldn’t Cena win? Because there’s no way he won’t be hated even more, and not just because Wrestlemania is in Miami - one of the Rock’s backyards. So here would be a time to turn him heel for a few months (and really, if they don’t, why did they just do this whole Rise Above Hate almost heel thing with Kane a few weeks ago?). Of course, the WWE won’t turn Cena heel. They’ll let him win and then have Rock shake his hand and show him respect. Better result? Let Rock win (maybe even by doing something cheap to show he couldn’t beat Cena fairly) and allow them to have a rematch down the line where Cena beats the Rock (then you can do the whole respect thing). My hope for a winner: Rock. The winner of the match: Cena.
Team Johnny vs. Team Teddy: For the past few weeks, if Teddy isn’t telling Johnny that he will be pushing him before he does (or Johnny telling Teddy to push him)………hold on a second, let me just build on that for a second. Every Raw, every Smackdown, for the past few weeks, Long has pushed Lauriniatis after they argued. You’d think that Johnny would know its going to happen. Especially after one announces it. And how is it that the camera always catches one of them saying “push” before Long does? I know there have been times in matches where the mics have picked up and we’ve heard Cena tell his opponent a monologue in the ring of what he’s about to do. But every week? If you don’t believe me go back and listen! Ok, done venting for now, back to my point (if I ever had one)……..For the past few weeks, Long has almost always gotten the better of Laurinaitus. Teddy has been Smackdown (and at times Raw) GM for a long time now. I just don’t see all these wins continuing. I think we’ll be saying by to Teddy and we’ll be seeing Otunga slurping coffee two nights a week next to Johnny Ace. I only have three questions about this match: Who will take the pin fall (I’m thinking Ryder or Khali)? And 2. Since it’s 6 on 6 match, will the match be longer than the entrances?….Oh wait I forgot, this isn’t a divas 6 on 6 match. 3. Instead of Miz or Booker T, why didn’t one of the two add Brodus Clay as their 6th man? I figured he was on the Raw before Mania in another squash so that one of the GMs would pick him. Maybe he’ll be in an unadvertised match.
Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes for the Intercontinental Title: They’ve built this match up for a while, with Rhodes making fun of Big Show’s Wrestlemania past. I can’t remember why it started, and they have pushed it, but I really am not into it that much. Rhodes is becoming a very good performer and bringing credibility to the IC championship (I wonder why it seems once every year or so a performer has to bring credibility to that belt) and Big Show is usually entertaining, as long as he isn’t in there with a person with similar skills such as himself. I see Rhodes winning because it means more for him and the belt to win and retain than Show to win. This should hopefully start Rhodes’ push to the main even over the next year.
Undertaker vs. Triple H with Shawn Michaels as a referree: I said before, I really hope that Michaels doesn’t factor into the decision either way. I am looking forward to the match this year more than the other year. I feel that win or lose, this will be Undertaker’s last Mania match. Why? If he loses, the streak is over, and really no mysticism for any match he may have next year. If he wins? What match would be bigger than a rematch against Triple H (although I admit I did kind of say that when Undertaker fought Ric Flair and then Shawn Michaels twice). John Cena? (I kind of dread Undertaker facing Cena next year and Cena ending the streak). I really have no idea who will win this match. I hope it’s Undertaker. If it’s Triple H, I hope it’s done in a way that will make Undertaker look even better in defeat (I really don’t see the WWE making Undertaker look bad in a loss, they wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to him).
Well, there you have it. The Wraw Wrestlemania Wrecap of the WWE on the WWW. (If you read this far you deserved that). I may have missed a match, and I’m sure they may add an unadvertised match or two.
What I’d like to see at Wrestlemania: Didn’t you read anything I wrote before?
What will happen at Wrestlemania: Seriously, did you see none of the things above?
Thanks for reading. Comment if you would like.