Welcome to the first installment of a new movie review column for WeeklyShowTV. Various critics from time to time will be reviewing and debating movies here, but my personal scale for criticism ranges from Heaven to Hell! Will the movie be remembered and revered for all of eternity, or does sitting through it make you think being stuck in hell can’t be much worse (think watching Transformers 2 and maybe Transformers 3, although I don’t know for sure about the third one, since I try to avoid repeat trips to the underworld)! And if you aren’t laughing yet, then get ready for two movies that are even less funny!
In Tower Heist, Ben Stiller leads a crew of hotel employees on a mission to rob a rich guy’s penthouse where $20 million dollars is supposedly being stashed away. The evil rich guy is Alan Alda, who apparently deserves a comeuppance after losing the pension funds of all the hotel employees in a complex financial scheme. If this all sounds like a Bernie Madoff documentary, you’re wrong! That would actually be entertaining.
Before I take the pitchforks out, let’s lay the cards on the table. This is basically a paint-by-numbers movie with little surprises and even fewer laughs. Luckily, when Eddie Murphy finally arrives in full force (basically one-third of the way through the movie), finally some energy gets injected into it. However, it’s a bit too little, too late. Murphy is basically doing a live-action impression of his own Donkey from the Shrek movies. 
Admittedly, it’s enjoyable to see Murphy released from the prison of mindless live-action family movies, but it’s a bit shameful (for him, and maybe for me too) to constantly think how much more I enjoyed any Shrek movie.
Although an honorable mention does go out to Gabourey Sidibe, or as her closest friends, eating partners and Gollum call her: “Precious.” As the Jamaican maid, Sidibe employs such a weirdly entertaining accent and unveils such gleeful exuberance throughout her scenes that it makes you think one day in another movie, she’ll actually be hilarious.
Maybe the biggest problem though is Stiller, and consider this an intervention. At 46 years old, Stiller is no longer a spring chicken, yet he continues to play the exact same sophomoric character in every movie. Well, maybe slight retraction there. Anytime he plays a “normal” character, it’s tedious and now extremely boring. Stiller in Meet the Parents, Night at the Museum or anytime he plays the “straight” man, it’s the SAME character always! However, the Stiller in more creative movies like Zoolander, Tropic Thunder and Dodgeball is varied and great. In this not-creative movie, the only differentiation in Stiller’s character is an attempt at an embarrassing Queens accent. And proof that even he was ashamed of the accent is apparent, since he drops it completely, halfway through the movie!
Tower Heist Final Judgement: PURGATORY!
The only real heist Stiller’s crew pulls off is that of your wallet if you go to see this in the theater! Wait to watch it on TV!
Another movie that you won’t laugh at is Immortals, but that’s because the epic movie is so jaw-droppingly amazing you won’t have a moment to catch your breath to even giggle. Can you tell I liked it?
Maybe it’s the benefit of no expectations, given that the promotion for this movie suggests it’s from the producers of 300. For those unaware, 300 had a great soundtrack and was visually stunning, yet was basically as fulfilling as a really stupid video game. With Mickey Rourke, the new Superman (Henry Cavill) and the visual creativity of director Tarsem Singh (The Cell), this movie is no 300, it’s at least 300 times better!
Rourke’s seriousness that was laughable in Iron Man 2, is perfectly fitting here as he portrays the deliciously violent King Hyperion who is intent on unleashing chaos on the world. And Cavill, who I personally never saw or heard anything about before, is instantly convincing as the leader of the good guys. After seeing Cavill kick ass in this movie, it’s hard not to be pumped now for the new Superman movie.
Most exciting of all though, is the role of the Gods in the movie. Unlike the joke of a movie Clash of the Titans, or any other movie I can remember where “Gods” were characters interacting with mankind, this movie I dare say gets it impressively right. And one scene in particular, which will be the subject of a separate topic in the coming weeks, is uniquely thought-provoking. Now who would have ever guessed that could be possible in an exciting, non-stop thrilling movie like this?
Immortals Final Judgement: HEAVEN!
In a very weak year for movies, I am not at all embarrassed to admit this is definitely going to be on my 2011 Top Ten list! Hmm maybe a little embarrassed, but it’s not my fault! Hollywood, make better movies, dammit!
***Controversial Curtain Calls To Spark Future Debate***
~Christopher Nolan is undisputedly the greatest living film director.
~Martin Scorsese is undisputedly the most overrated.
Care to dispute?!?
monsoon wdenidg was honestly what a traditional indian wdenidg is like. they are AMAZING. and a whole CRAP load of fun because the night before you get to gerba and dandia ross (indian stick dancing… just go with it)